pt. 3

my theatrical run from age 20 to 25:


Come See Our Shorts (writer - The Weather Sure Is Nice, "Narrator")

Radio Free Theatre 2001 (writer - A Day at the UN (~), "Canadian Ambassador", "Harpo Marx")

Mad Scientists in Love (author, producer, "Benjamin Vickers")

Instant Gratification (writer - Mad Scientists: Episode One, "Benjamin Vickers")

....And Other Hodge Podge (writer - Ten Second Play)

Shiny Things (author, producer, "Narrator", "God", misc voices)

Presentation on Shakespeare to Mrs. Nice's Class at White Oak Elementary (author, "Caesar")

Happy 10th Birthday, 1993! (producer, writer - Institute de la Comedia, "Robber", "FBI Agent", "Sam with the Sharpies", others?)

Theatre of the Damned ...featuring Beast from Haunted Cave (co-author, producer, "Mezeltron" (~ in those capacities))

Come See Our Shorts [2] (writer - You Are Here, Potty Humor, Botched Suicide Attempt #43, Innuedo, ...Is Another Man's Creativity, One Man's Brain Damage, "Mmm-Bop Reader"(#), "Writer", "Guy", "News-singer", "Talkboy Satan" (#), "Panty-Toucher", "Masturbator", others?)

Because Nine Minutes Was Not Enough ("Schizophrenic Outhouse Purveyor", "Dating Referee")

The Bald Soprano (producer)

Theatre of the Damned: Episode Two: Hellspawn ...still featuring Beast from Haunted Cave (co-author, producer, "Janitor")

Radio Free Theatre 2004 (writer - Pappy's Oldtime Radio (#), "Hitler", "Announcer")

Master and Margarita ("Derelict", "Demon")

Because Nine Minutes Was Not Enough (writer - Visiting Hours (#), "Tech Director", "Nathan", "Alien Roommate")

Seven Mediocre Student-Written Plays Starring Your Friends (writer - Holier @#%!, "God", "Dude", "Chimpanzee", "Salvador Dali", "Satan"(~ in the roles))

Two Chairs and a Table (writer - Two Chairs and a Table, 3 plays featuring Chronotrono that had really long names, "Voice of Chronotrono")

Cigarettes and Purple Pillz ("God")

Come See Our Shorts [3] (writer - Pappy's Bible Tales)

Jim Trapp: The Movie, 2nd Draft Reading (author, "Italics Reader", "Chronotrono", "The Y")

Hamlet, A Comedy by William Shakespeare (producer/editor/director, "Voice of Ghost", "Fortinbras")

Theater of the Damned... And Other Horrors (writer - Theater of the Damned)

Penny Dreadful Players Board Member (Fall 2001 - Spring 2005)
-Artistic Director (Fall 2003)(*)
-re-designed PDP website
-re-edited Constitution to greater, more useful vagueness
-sent many many emails
-single largest supplier of ideas at center of arguments, arguably
-drank alot, even by their standards

#-->I made me proud
~-->I made me ashamed
*-->simply difficult

best o', pt. 2

(with apologies)

I Hear America Cursing

I hear America cursing, the varied expletives I hear,
Those of mechanics, each muttering his, as they might as well, blithe with strong words
The carpenter screaming his as he measures a plank then cuts off a thumb,
The mason swearing as he looks for work, or is laid off from work again,
The boatman cussing at what belonged to him in his boat, the deckhand singing
as he stole it,
The shoemaker while sweating as she sits on the floor twelve hours, the hatter when farting as he stands,

The wood-stroker’s song, the butt-ploughing-boy's on his way home again in the morning,
or at a nooner, during an intermission, or after a touchdown,
The delicious moaning of a MILF, or of the young wife doin' it,
or of some girl fingering then washing herself clean,
Each cursing what belongs to him or her and what does not, even what belongs to no one else,
The very day what belongs to the day — at night the party of young frat boys,
loud, obnoxious,
Slurring with big fat mouths, our strongly odious #@$!.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I kinda wish I would stop thinking of things like this.


*

The Legend of the Haunted Room
as performed by "Ask me, I can help: Jim", sales associate

[/satanial-spooky voice on]

Attention Dallas and Company Shoppers:

I am so pleased to announce that, in five minutes, we'll be opening our Haunted Room… or shall I say, our Haunted Room will be opening itself. Perhaps this sounds odd to you, but if you'll give me but a moment of your attention I can explain, by telling you of... The Legend of the Haunted Room.

Few alive today know the fact, but this store was built on an ancient Indian burial ground and was the site of many strange problems in its early years – unexplained disappearances of customers and unexplainable appearances of mangled legs... arms... the occasional head. As you can imagine, business was bad.

...until that one fateful Halloween night in 1993, when Andy Dallas used his magics to trap the desecrated dead in the back room! Allowing us all to once again offer you outstanding deals on fake poo and self-inflating whoopie cushions, without the ever-present spectre of death.

But even the power of Andy Dallas has its limits, for as Halloween rolls 'round each year the room unlocks… and cannot be denied. Now the demons are still bound to the room and our employees have attempted to shackle them in place, so it should be safe for those who, whether they believe it or not, wish to experience the legend themselves.

We have but three rules for those who would dare enter the Haunted Room:

One – touch nothing. You do not know what will touch you back.

Two - Stay with your group, for those who wander alone in the Haunted Room are seldom seen again. And

Three – we ask that you only visit the Haunted Room once. We don’t actually have a reason for that rule – we're just mean! HAHAHAHA!

So please, see our the Haunted Room, in the back of the store just past the neon “Magic” sign, and enjoy your visit to Dallas and Company... it may be your last visit, anywhere! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

[/off]

.

The Buttery Touch of Fame The nice lady from the Illini Union Bookstore e-mailed me wanting the picture that didn't get taken at my book-signing, suggesting I come by tonight. When I did, she took me over to the Author's Corner, and introduced me to Roger Ebert. Yes, the one you've heard of. In town for his Overlooked Film Festival, he'd been quietly reading at his old alma mater. IUB Manager: Mr. Ebert, I'd like you to meet one of our rising stars on campus. This is Jim Trapp. Ebert: (tone of precise neutrality) It's nice to meet you. Jim: (shy, super-polite routine, with endearing shrug) Ah... I'm not really famous enough to be meeting Roger Ebert... Ebert: Hey, I was a freshman at UIUC once. (Thinking to myself, I note that this would be an especially awkward moment to point out that I am a junior. And have been a "junior" for the last four years. (Which is the long story of my life, so don't ask.)) Manager: Jim's a Rhetoric Major here and recently saw his first play published. He had his own reading and book-signing just last Tuesday. Jim: Thursday. Ebert: (turning to leave)Ah, well, good luck to [inaudible]... And, lo, the two titans met and the torch of fortune was passed to the younger, much like that brief scene between The Rock and Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Rundown, a parallel I like to believe Ebert would approve of as he did give it... [google: "the rundown", ebert. click: *I'm feeling lucky.*] ...three and a half stars. All I have to do now is get in good with Eggers, Hef and REO Speedwagon. Ooh, and Andy Richter. Then we will have the Ultimate Alumni Bar Crawl, strutting around with the Bunnies Hef would provide, startin' some shit with the fratboys at Kam's, mercilessly taunting Eggers who might've won that damn Pulitzer Prize if he'd only finished school then, whilst attempting to remember the words to the song we're pretty sure this beloved University has, pass out in our famous vomit on the steps of Foellinger Auditorium. And no one would complain because WE ROOL THE SCHOOL! No seriously; except for me, that'd be an awesome group to hang with. Of course, afterwards, I immediately started to think about how funny it would've been if I'd been just a really obnoxious dickjerker. For example: -- "Hey, I love what you do with your thumb. You know the Romans... they used to do that." -- "So what happened to that other guy you used to work with?" -- "I'd give you lip for your good review of that one shitfest film, but I never read your reviews. Also, for which ones did you accept payola?" -- pulling a shiv "No, the balcony's mine, bitch!" -- "Thank you for shaking my hand and humoring me, sir." -- "So if I bested you at thumb-wrestling... wait, that's just too dumb, isn't it..." -- "Hey, Roger Ebert! [pause] So what was it like working with Russ Meyer?" And, the requisite: -- "Wow, you're not nearly as fat as everyone says you are." He's not, either. And right now I'm wondering what kind of person I am, that my first thoughts after meeting someone are ways that I could've been ruder.

.

I Am TechGnosis

The God of Technology is a Trickster, that much is certain. Like all technology, you are brilliant, unpredictable, anti-social and prone to breaking down at the most inopportune moments. Just when those around you have you figured out, you change. You can be a hero when everything is working properly up inside that huge brain but let something go haywire with the code and you become dark and frightening. Like TechGnosis you're a new phenomenon in human history, and whether you are good or evil yet remains to be seen.

Which Trickster Are You?
Take the Trickster Test at www.isleofdreams.net.

best of useful info on my old liverjournal, pt. 1

Every now and then someone inquires as to how I lost that annoying weight back when I did [I lost exactly 75 pounds from August 2003 to August 2004], so here at last for someone is the documentation, combining my personal experience with some stuff this guy at the gym told me, so now you too can marvel at the obviousness of it.

-Figure up how many calories your body uses each day (you can damn well google how yourself), then eat less than that.
-To help - count those calories. Watch serving sizes! Use frozen dinners (I recommend Michelini's: mm-mm!)
-Eat snacks instead of big meals, especially late in the day. Remember, don't feed yourself after midnight.
-Eat your damn 3-5 recommended daily servings of vegetables and get used to them.
-Choose foods high in filling fiber. Basically stay away from foods high in anything else. Never drink that sugary shit.
-For snacks, like raisins, pretzels, granola bars, unbuttered popcorn, or - if you are man enough - fistfuls of raw bran.
-Drink lots of water, then piss most of it back out. Breaking down fat can essentially introduce poisons into your system and, unless you flush yourself regularly, you're liable to get hornery and write extra-jackassy email to the PDP list... or whatever it is you do.
-Take a multi-vitamin to make up for what else you're pissing away.
-Be consistent - if you "cheat", remember your body is starving and is rigged to then hold onto all the extra fat it can get.
-Cross-train. Pumping a little muscle will help knock your system out of its usual routine and burn more calories during the day. (Girls: you don't have to worry about getting "buff" - that only happens if you become a crazy gym-rat; muscle tone usually accentuates your curves.)
-Expect plateaus, then change up your routine to shock your body out of them too.
-In conclusion, slow and steady DOES win this race - aim for about 1-2 lbs a week and it can stay off. And a year of 1-2 lbs a week adds up (or subtracts...) Remember, you're not going on a diet, you're ruining a fat person's life... and replacing it with the life of a thin person. If you're hungry, eat, but like a thin person. When you're getting tired, go just a little further and you'll get there. In other words - listen to your body, but don't quite do everything it says.

now that I've posted...

Perhaps I ought to introduce myself for clarity's sake.

I'm Jim!

To elaborate - I was born on a farm. I read alot of comic books. I read alot of science books. I read alot of TV Guide. I was your fat awkward silent lonely straight-A's honors student! I went to UIUC to study physics. Six years, a published play, a certain number of fights, and an uncertain mental hospitalization later I graduated with a B.A. in Rhetoric and moved to Chicago. Three weeks after that my work was in a show! Which tanked from technical problems and lack of publicity! Then I decided to make money in "the real world" and dicked around with starting my own troupe. Then I went completely, abjectly, terrifically insane. Twice. That story pending.

Now, richer in wisdom and much much poorer in everything else, I return to you, world. You suck. But I'll help you with that. Please send me new friends. I can't afford a dog.

schizo-links

Schizophrenia! Kids don't try this at home.

In Japan, they use what many consider a more descriptive term 'integrative disorder'; the underlying non-hallucinatory (less Hollywood-sexy) effects are like getting your feet stuck in your own imagination or slipping around on it like a dog on ice. One of the rising theories is the root cause is a disruption in the mind's decision-making executive functions.
(http://www.wellcome.ac.uk/doc_WTD004727.html)

You truly are walking around in dreams, sometimes more than one at a time, compelled by dream logic. The lights are off even though someone is home. Alternatively, the lights may burn so much they melt the walls. One-third of all homeless people are schizophrenic, not because it is the ultimate manifestation of their stupidity, weakness, evil, or 'mother issues' or whatever - but because we all think through wiring that can go bad through genetic anomaly times isolation times stress.

Despite affecting one percent of the population, there are few films. A Beautiful Mind handled it most famously, but fictionalized John Nash's story to an extent that certain schizophrenics such as myself find it inaccurate. I appreciate the necessity of film to add a visual dimension like the hallucinations (which he didn't have) but failed to cover his breakdown in logic and stripped away all the other complexity of the illness (as well as character.) (http://www.holtuncensored.com/members/column294.html#books)

However the film becomes truly false at its climax: Nash's wife didn't stay with him, didn't hold his hand and say "I'm real" - she divorced him. He spent a lot of time holed up in Paris, hating her. It was only later that she let him move back into the house and only when he'd recovered and began receiving recognition again that they remarried. Not only did he not crap on about "the equations of the heart" in Stockholm, he was not allowed to give a speech.

Better films: Revolution #9, 12 Monkeys, Fight Club. The latter two don't mention schizophrenia, but trust me, they're closer than what Ron Howard got us. In literature: Slaughterhouse 5, The Day the Voices Stopped, and the excellent book A Beautiful Mind.

But first read:

http://www.schizophreniafaq.com/
http://www.chovil.com/
http://www.successfulschizophrenia.org/

Blog rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs
all over your neighbor's dog
it's great for a snack
it fits on your back
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