Why? A Duck.

[A man stands. He holds a cigar.

Another man stands back-to-back with the first man. He may wear a small cap or simply his human pride.

Holding these places, they proceed in the most annuciatedly melodramatic “existential” of styles.]

Grouch: (melancholy, speaking non-specifically) ...now “here” is a little peninsula... and “here” is a viaduct leading over to the mainland...

Chic: (wistful) Why... a duck?

Grouch: I'm all right. (Pause) How are you? (Pause) I say... “here” is a little peninsula... and “here” is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.

(Pause)

Chic: All right... why a duck?

Grouch: I'm not playing Ask-Me-Another. I say, (motions towards Life itself) that’s a viaduct.

(Pause)

Chic: All right... why a duck? Why a-- why a duck? Why a no chicken?

(Pause)

Grouch: Well... I don't know why a no chicken. (Pause) I'm a stranger here myself. (Pause) All I know is that... it’s a viaduct. You try to cross over there on a chicken... and you'll find out why a duck.

Chic: I no go... someplace... I just--

Grouch: It's deep water, that's why a duck. (Pause) It's deep water.

(Pause)

Chic: That's why a duck.

Grouch: (suddenly violent) Look, rube! Suppose you were out horseback riding! and you came to that stream and wanted to ford over there!, you couldn't make it! (then terrified) It's... too deep!

Chic: But what do you want with a Ford... when you got a horse?

Grouch: (crying) Well, I'm sorry the matter ever came up! All I know is that... it is a viaduct.

Chic: Now look, all right... I catch on to why a horse... why a chicken... why a this... why a that... I no catch on to... why a duck?

Grouch: (covering his pain) Well, I... was only fooling. I was only fooling. (clearly lying, ashamed) They're going to build a tunnel in the morning. Now is that clear to you?

Chic: Yes, everything except... why a duck.

[Chic stares romantically into the inscrutable universe. Grouch stares downward into his own soul.

Scene.]


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